All my life I’ve felt like a complete fake when it comes to being a grownup. Oh sure, I’ve got the years behind me – too many years to be honest. And the experience. No doubt about it. But really…what IS a grownup? Are we fully grown when we turn 18 and can legally make all of our own life decisions? Or is it when we land our first real job, or pick up the keys to our first house, or when we’re tiredly changing stinky diapers? I can’t say that I felt very grownup at any of those life-changing moments. I guess growing up is different for each of us. For me, the defining moment was when my son made a choice that mimicked one I made myself during my very turbulent youth. And it was my inner reaction that finally led me to believe I might be growing up. That was last year.
Since the epiphany, I’ve realized so many things. First and foremost, I’ve accepted that despite my parents’ assurances to the contrary, I’m not really that special. There are no fireworks on my birthday (unlike both of my brothers - July 4th & May 24th). Confetti doesn’t rain when I roll out of bed in the morning. No one is cheering from the sidelines just because I manage to do something I’m actually responsible for. And let’s face it…none of that stuff should happen either. I’ve learned that all I need are a couple of people who love and appreciate me for exactly who I am. That’s it. Kindred spirits who feel like that about me are precious and few, and my being thankful for their belief in me and appreciative of their love is a huge clue that I’m a grownup.
I’ve also determined that my choices cannot ever be blamed on others – they are all on me. For better or for worse, I am in charge of my own physical, mental, and emotional well-being. I can eat properly, or not eat properly. I can exercise or sit on the couch watching Netflix. I can make sure my vaccinations are up-to-date or simply forget about it. The universe doles out natural consequences, and it’s up to me to decide which ones I want. One choice or the other doesn’t define me as good or bad, but I have accepted that there is only one person in the world who can make these choices…and that’s me. Whatever my choice, the consequence is also my own. Now how adult is that?
My most significant lesson is that I always need to give more than I get. In today’s world we’re brainwashed to feel that our most important purpose is to pursue happiness. We believe we deserve happiness – that it’s our birthright. I’ve come to believe that the pursuit of happiness is a short-sighted ambition. Focusing on simply making myself happy just turns me into a self-oriented taker. That’s not who I want to be. Instead, I try to focus on bringing meaning to my life. Creating meaning might involve putting another person’s needs ahead of my own, and that could mean my own happiness level declines for a bit. But that contribution to the other person’s well-being increases their happiness. And happiness begets happiness. So the happy vibes in my environment increase…and that multiplies and makes more happy vibes. Pretty soon my world is looking very happy. And that happy world feeds my happiness. So the more happiness I infuse in the lives around me, the happier I am. Every moment that I set aside my own happiness for the sake of others is an investment back into my own happiness. Knowing this makes me feel so grownup!
Check it out. This is me…adulting.
