Growing through my 50s hasn’t perturbed me one little bit. This half of my life is an abundant field of dreams, rich with opportunity. I can do anything, be myself, and build the life I want. It’s time for me to become the person I was created to be.
Buuuu-uuutttt…
Not everyone seems to agree with my vision for how this segment of my life should look. There’s this insane social belief that women over 50 are less attractive, less useful, less able to understand technology, less likely to be invested in at work, and no longer “f**kable” (hat tip to Amy Schumer)…and therefore aren’t worth much.
We’re “told” a lot of things about life after 50…
We’re not supposed to “look our age”. Because that would be a fate worse than death. It’s bad enough to be over 50 – but to look over 50??? God forbid! It’s important to hide aging, doncha know… What a crock of shit! To replace the airbrushed tween models (that appear in every facet of current media advertising to mature, intelligent women) we need more examples of all-ages, all sizes, all types women who look comfortable looking like themselves. When we get them, it'll be much clearer that what matters about being a woman isn't about what we look like, and that our experience of the way we look shouldn't revolve around trying to look younger (or different in any way) than we are. It’s not just about aging women…young women need that message too. We are immersed in a culture of get-skinny-quick fads, cosmetic surgery, and completely unrealistic (and deeply unhealthy) beauty standards. Let’s get real.
Makeup will save us. First of all, look what we're doing to ourselves with this crap. If we're gonna use makeup, we need to be demanding (with our dollars!) non-toxic varieties. I admit, it’s fun to use makeup as a way to express yourself and highlight certain interesting facets of your looks. That’s all good in my opinion. Same thing goes for hair – there’s a big difference between expressing who you are and hiding who you are or what age you are. When I see articles directed at aging women that read “use primer to hide wrinkles”, I want to vomit. Are they crazy?? Hide my wrinkles? My wrinkles are my stripes! I’m wearing them loud and proud, baby. And primer? What am I? An old car??? I have never and will never use primer, foundation, powder, or anything other than moisturizer on my face. If you don’t like it, don’t look at me.
There are fashion rules. No stilettos, no leggings, no skinny jeans, no mini-skirts, no bikinis, no sleeveless dresses, no low necklines… Seriously? No freakin’ way! I will wear what I choose, when I care to, and as I want! Myself, I err on the side of comfort – but hey, we each choose for ourselves. You like heels? Go ahead, kill your feet. It’s your choice – no one else’s. Your legs are beefy? Tights and skinny jeans might show ‘em, but they’ll also hold ‘em firm. Yay for that. Got a juicy butt? Wear “Juicy” sweats - if you wanna pay for ‘em. A wrinkled décolletage? If you got it, flaunt it. Your tummy pops out of your teeny-weeny bikini? Yeah, tummies tend to do that. Embrace it. A bit of arm flap? Why not? You’re transitioning into a symbolic butterfly. So it makes sense to me… Fashion is for fun and self-expression. Not for rules and conformity to a set of arbitrary imperatives. Not for me. No way. No how.
We’re technologically-challenged. It would seem that the general assumption out there today is that technology is too complex for grandmas. Who hasn’t smirked at the meme of grandma’s remote duct-taped with only the power, channel, and volume buttons showing? It’s just a silly stereotype, but sadly, an effective one. It discourages women of a certain age from even trying new technology for fear of looking stupid when they can’t figure it out. Now c’mon! The irony of grandma-proofing makes me laugh – especially coupled with the cultural inference that if grandma can use it, anyone can… While “grandma-adoption” may make for a universal headline (because y’know…pretty much everyone has one), basically the only things all grandmas really have in common is that they’re female and no longer particularly young. Realistically, we could be anywhere between the ages of 35 and 105, and our educational backgrounds, cultural experiences, income levels, geographic locations, and career paths vary as widely as any one individual is different from another. So that just brings us back to the outrageous assumption that older women are bad at tech. Tell that to this older woman, why doncha?
Older men don’t want women their own age. While there are a few men out there who see the value of an experienced, proficient woman of maturity, everyday experience clearly illustrates the social stigma older woman deal with in our culture. The belief is: older women are bitter and jaded…while younger women are fun, frisky and good-natured, older women have lots of baggage…while younger women are fun, frisky and good-natured, older women have timeline agendas…while younger women are fun, frisky and good-natured, older women are self-conscious of their aging bodies…while younger women are fun, frisky and good-natured. Hmmm…bitter, loaded with baggage and hidden agendas, and insecure vs. fun, frisky and good-natured. No wonder we feel overlooked by men in our own age group and try so hard to appear younger than we are! But this ridiculous concept of a fountain of youth we’re chasing is not about biology, and it’s not solvable by science. It’s a cultural message. And we need to stop listening to it. I know plenty of “older” women who are fun and spirited and spontaneous and kick-ass awesome—single and otherwise. Why should we want to change ourselves into anything less than the amazing women we are? If we’re happy within ourselves, it’s all good. Any man who doesn’t want our fabulous selves is losing out – and isn’t worth our efforts anyway.
Aging women lose value. It’s not just that women in our fifties are hardest hit by the gender pay gap, while most efforts for pay equality are aimed at our younger colleagues. Nor is it merely that older women “face daily insinuations in the media that we are ugly because our age shows”. As women get old, our age impacts each contribution we make and every belief we hold. Rather than highly regarding the lived experiences of older women, and the wisdom those lives have revealed, our society turns away from them, dismissing them as irrelevant. Robert Fulford illustrates it well in his article, How age (wrongly) makes women invisible. We neglect to listen - at the exact life moment when women are able to offer the profound insight that is most worth our attention. And what the hell is that?? The truth is that we gain value as we age. We're independent thinkers. We're knowledgeable, with abundant experience. We support ourselves. Life has given us a great work ethic along with superior critical thinking and problem solving skills. We're done with drama. We know what we want. We know what we're worth.
And seriously...we're hot.
So…
I call BULLSHIT!
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