I was online talking with a dear friend last night, both of us in tears. The conversation was poignant. We discussed medical diagnoses, the toll of an unfulfilling marriage, the pressure of elder care, children (up until now, the raison d'être) moving out and creating their own lives, dissatisfaction with our physical selves, money problems, aches and pains, job woes, and the invisibility of midlife women. We were on a dark and slippery slope into despondency.
Ever the optimist, I said, “There has to be more to midlife womanhood than this…” And, of course, there is. She said, “What are other women doing?” And, obviously, that’s the bottom line. It’s all about the choices we make…the priorities we choose. THAT is what creating the life we want is really all about – changing our priorities to make room for significance and meaning. We have to focus on what's really important to us.
It’s never too late. We can make a new choice at any time. Who cares if we feel like we’ve misspent the last decade (or two, or more) focusing on the wrong work, the wrong people, the wrong pastimes, the wrong self… Time is in front of us, to spend as we choose. The future beckons - full of potential and possibility. We only have one life. The question is…how do we want to spend it?
I have only one life, so I want to make sure it's a good one. ~ Yoko Ono
A bit of introspection convinces me that I’ve been making excuses for myself:
I can’t change directions now. Look at the time and effort I’ve invested in my current path!
I’ve given this excuse a lot of power by using it over and over. But it’s such a crock of sh!t. I’m now asking myself, how good is my current path if it isn’t what I want…? And anyway, who’s to say that the investment I’ve made to this point won’t serve some positive purpose on a different path? I’ve learned a lot over the years, all of which knowledge is transferable to other circumstances and situations. I needed that experience to move ahead.
I might upset people.
Maybe. But if I’m not happy with my direction, am I really helping anyone else anyway? Could changing my direction actually motivate them? Sadly, women tend to live small. We feel okay about it because we figure we probably couldn’t get what we want anyway. So, we just stay in our comfort zones (no matter how depleting) and avoid making the changes we really want to make deep down. We trick ourselves into keeping things just as they are. Maybe I’d be doing someone a favour by taking a stand for living my best life.
I have too many challenges to overcome.
“I can’t afford this change.” “I don’t know how to get from here to there.” “Others are depending on me.” Yeah. All true. And so what? The truth is that if I want this badly enough, I’ll find a way to make it happen. No matter the obstacle, I can work through it. Am I willing to sacrifice? To change my style of living? To give up something in order to gain this? Maybe I won’t be able to have it ALL, but I can decide what is most important to me. The challenges don’t have to hold me back.
So it’s on. I've been thinking and writing about it for too long. I don’t want to be one of those people who keeps talking about making a change but never actually steps into it. I’m moving ahead. We can all build the life we want – and we deserve to live that life. There absolutely can be more, but it’s on each of us to achieve our more. We have to make the change. No one can make it happen for us.
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