It’s so easy to look at people and judge them… to make the assumption...based on attitude, dress code, skin colour, heritage, sexual orientation, religion or behaviours…that we truly know a person. That we can read their mind, feel their thoughts, understand their motivations and know their soul... Simply based on our own perceptions and interpretations, we believe that we actually know another's soul.
But we don’t.
It’s just not true. We will never know the soul of another person through the superficial means we currently use to get to know each other in this society. The words “family” and “friend” have developed a surface connotation that doesn’t allow for deep and strong relationships. Everyone is a ‘friend’ or a ‘brother/sister’. But the kind of heartfelt emotion and trust that need to be attached to truly deep connections simply isn’t there. We can drop those relationships the instant they don’t suit us. Disposable bonds. Where’s the depth in that? It’s all about ‘me’ in the current social climate. And when it’s all about ‘me’, there’s really no room for in-depth perception of someone else. We don’t have the time to commit to deep relationships. We prefer surface interaction to real connection.
The thing is, you can’t understand someone by simply looking at them, having shallow chats or from what someone else’s (or the world’s) perspective of that person may be. And to make it even more difficult, the lack of trust in our relationships makes it seem more important to hide who we really are from people – especially those we’re closest to – because we might lose them if we put our hearts on the line by trusting them with who we really are inside. What if we do something they don't like and we fall off the pedestal?
I believe that truly getting to know and understand someone is a committed process. We’re far better off investing the time it takes to learn how someone chooses to grow than assuming or hoping, or even ending up trying to force someone to make the changes that we want to see in them. Like the saying goes, be it friend, lover or colleague, we learn a lot more at the end of a relationship than at the beginning.
Finding the right people to surround ourselves with in life is something to take very seriously. They say that we become like the 5 people we spend the most time with. And who I am is very, very important to me. So getting to know someone - and the resulting issues I have to work through - is an investment that I think I'm worth. But it does take work. Relationships don’t just work themselves out; we have to actively work at them. When we take the time to really feel another person’s heart, to seek them out, to talk with them, to listen deeply to what they say and learn to trust and rely on them, to understand what they want and need…generally we end up with better relationships, deeper understanding, less chaos, more love to share, and a stronger commitment. Deciding who we want in our lives is one of the most impactful choices we ever make. We need our choice to be informed.
To know the soul of another, we have to be willing to dig deep. To stay the distance. To understand that regardless of good deeds and true hearts, no one stays up on a pedestal forever… And to know that if you want to create truly deep connections, you can’t stay up on that pedestal either. And sometimes, while getting to know someone, we realize that this person doesn't belong in our lives...and we have to be willing to let go. But there's only one way to know for sure...
You have to be willing to take the risk of opening the window to your own soul and allowing others to see you. And you have to be willing to look at the ones you love…
From the inside out
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